Lipstick On The Mirrors

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the restroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all of the girls to the restroom and met them there with the maintenance man.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how! difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of them. He took a long handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirrors

A few women were discussing diet tips

A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor. Another replied: "Of course sleep is a factor. The only time Im not eating is when Im sleeping!"

Excuses, Excuses

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. 

He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. 

One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. 

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

Who is worth a million

Here’s one Prof. who is worth a million…the sharpest and wittiest person you can ever come across...gives you memories of a lifetime...a standing example of how terrifying a Prof. could also be…a one professor who makes you think at least a hundred times before you try to speak-up…lest you get cold called…

MATH THEOREM OF PYTHAGORAS

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting over for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight.
 The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.
 When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

FUN THINGS TO DO ON FIRST DAY OF CLASS

 1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"
 2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector.
 3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.
 4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook.
 5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!"
 6. Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute".
 7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow.
 8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.
 9. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
10. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.
 11. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
 12. Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare your intention to pursue a career in measurements and units.
 13. Sing your questions.
 14. Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.
 15. When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."
 16. Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.
 17. Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.
 18. Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so.
 19. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".
 20. Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your    name is spoken.
 21. Stare continually at the professor's crotch. Occassionally lick your lips.
 22. Address the professor as "your excellency".
 23. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
 24. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.
 25. Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face.
 26. Ask whether you have to come to class.
 27. Present the professor with a large fruit basket.
 28. Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.
 29. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become aggitated when the professor can't understand you.
 30. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
 31. Watch the professor through binoculars.
 32. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.
 33. Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.
 34. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
 35. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
 36. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
 37. As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.
 38. Claim that you wrote the class text book.
 39. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTER!"
 40. Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.
 41. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.
 42. Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.
 43. Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S stands for "stud".
 44. Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"
 45. Disassemble your pen. "Accidently" propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.
 46. Wink at the professor every few minutes.
 47. In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.
 48. Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.
 49. Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.
 50. Ask your math professor to pull the roll chart above the blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther because you can't see Macedonia.